Weekend Update.

Friday: I can't remember... hold on. Alright.

Friday: Practice, German Banquet. That was something. It kind of sucked. TAKs. That's all I need to say, heh. Hung out with Kayla. Met up with Ryan and Michi. I think Ryan wanted me to hit it off with some bi guy named Neil, but I honestly don't want a bi guy, and I wasn't feeling very hot that night. Michi did say I looked better then Ryan though, which was a great compliment. Thank you Michi.

Saturday: Woke up at 6:30 to go cover Nicole's classes at the Y. Got sunburnt. Ate lunch with Yma at Pei Wei's. We had fun. Then I had to do my own shift. I stayed in that night.

Sunday: Slept in till 10. Worked from 12-2, grabbed lunch with Nicole at Jack in the Crack. It was a fancy one, over by Langham. Interesting. Hung out at home, attempted to clean my room and do my homework. Had a staff meeting at 7:30. Then stayed in. My parents wouldn't let me go to Starbuck, which is just as well. I need to save money.

As I was walking Lu, there was a brief moment of silence in between tracks on my IPod. In this silence, I heard ducks quacking, frogs roaring, and bugs buzzing. And I swear, it was music. So I paused my IPod. And I danced. I danced to this awesome club mix by ditch dwellers. It was great. I was in a great mood all night.

Why can't I find the one I want?

And I cried about that today.

I was carrying a PC monitor downstairs, and slipped and slid 4 steps. I got a small carpet burn on the small of my back. I was fine, but my mom made me lay down on my stomach and she put an ice pack on it. That was the last straw, I guess. I faced the wall, and tears streamed down my face. I feel like alot of people don't like me anymore, for some strange reason. I feel like someone is turning these people against me, including one of my best friends. I'm still alone. I've been alone for so long. Sure, I have friends, but I want a boyfriend. I want to hold someone's hand, kiss his lips. Hug, cuddle. Someone new. Someone I've never met before. Someone who doesn't come from this crazy and mixed up school.

I feel like I'm becoming someone who's anti-social, someone no one wants to be friends with. And that scares me. In 8th grade, I was that someone, I only had one or two friends, and I read. Alot. I'm scared of losing my individuality. I'm scared of being played with again.

I think I deserve someone. I don't know. I can be mean at times. But think of all those mean people who do have someone. I'm usually nice. Why can't I find the one I want? I'm not being picky. I just haven't met him yet.

Journeyman.

"A journeyman is a tradesman or craftsman who may well have completed an apprenticeship but is not yet able to set up their own workshop as a master. In parts of Europe, as in later medieval Germany, spending time as a journeyman (Geselle), moving from one town to another to gain experience of different workshops, was an important part of the training of an aspirant master." -Definition taken from Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.

I realized today that I've become a Journeyman in my craft. Hah, that sounds kind of Medieval, but it's true. For a long while, I haven't been able to find any new sources of information. It's all the same stuff, stuff that I already know. And lately, I've been creating my own. Casting circles randomly, praying to the Goddess. It's a very new experience. But it all came naturally. I didn't take a definate choice, I just thought and did it. I've been more at peace with myself lately as well. It's all good. Faith really does help. I'm going to try and change my eye color. As soon as I'm allowed to drive on the freeway, I'm going up to Montrose to visit the Magick Cauldron. There, I'll buy something to celebrate my new rank. I'm happy.