What makes a leader? Pt. 4

Courage. A leader must have courage.

That's not to say that a leader can't be scared. I'm scared. But I need to have the courage to face my fears. Fuck fuck fuck, though.

Why is it so fucking hard to be brave? Why is it so hard to overstep the fear, and do it!? I still haven't apoligised. And I guess I need to. But goddamit, it's so hard. If I am going to do it, I need to do it in person and as soon as possible.

And this thing tomorrow. What if my worst fear happens? I need Yma with me there tomorrow.

I just thought about what Hannah said at graduation today. If we are satisfied with who we are, and don't strive to be more, then we're not living at all. We need to strive forward and become better people. Become leaders.

This will make me a better person in the end. I just wish it wasn't so hard.

What makes a leader? Pt. 3

"Sorry is the hardest word."

I read that somewhere. Sorry is the hardest thing to say. To admit that you fucked up. It's not just admitting that you did the wrong thing. It's admitting that maybe you didn't do enough. And, a leader needs to be able to admit his faults. To be big enough to stand and say, "I'm sorry. It's my fault."

And I feel like it is. Maybe not everything, but I truly feel that if maybe I had done something more, or even something else things would've turned out different.

[I wish my music shuffle was more tuned to my feelings, and would play despondent, pensive songs.]

But as I look back, I realize that this isn't just this one occasion. I do mess up. I do make people upset. I do hurt feelings. And I feel like some people may think that those feelings don't matter, but I still have this urge to be nice. Is that a bad thing? Am I too naive? I'm told that I say 'sorry' too much, so much that it comes out insincere. And I'm sorry that it does, hah. But, I am sorry for the way things happen. I suppose I just have an apologetic nature.

The Penalty, or The Price.
But still, in the back of my mind,
I hate being so kind.
I will not give in, but I can't help feeling pinned.

I wrote that over a year ago, and yet it still applies to me now.

To continue with the essay, a super hero needs to be able to admit his or her mistakes. What if he was in the wrong place at the wrong time? If he ran, when he should've flown? If he acted, when he should've thought? He needs to be able to stand and say, "I'm sorry."

What makes a leader? Pt. 2

Work ethic. A leader has to have work ethic. Katherine could be a leader, because she works so much. But, she kind of guilts people into working. That's still getting people to work though. If a leader can't get their followers to work together, then how is anything going to get done? If a leader doesn't set the example and work, then who will?

As a super hero, there isn't really a call to get people to work together, I think. But the super hero must work tirelessly to protect and serve. Hmm.

What makes a leader? Pt 1.

I think one quality a leader has, is the ability to listen. His/her followers need to be able to talk to their leader. And the leader needs to listen to them, whether it's mundane or serious.

I'm going to be a leader. I feel it. It's strange, I've never felt this kind of tug before.

A hero.