Weekend Update.

Friday: Did claims all day, Kayla came over. I was allowed to bring her to It'z, because Julia was bringing her friend Lindsey, and Daniel came later with Troy and Anus[No, it's actually pronounced A-nes. Like the butt hole. But he's really nice.]. The pizza and pasta was really good. It's been a long time since I went to an all you can eat buffet like that. Kayla and I managed to get around 2500 tickets. Each ticket was worth two. I wonder why they would do that? We traded our tickets for six shot glasses, two yo-yos, two rubber chickens on keychains, two poppers, and one foam ring.

Saturday: Claims again. Fuck. Halloween party.

Sunday: Played Beautiful Katamari, The Sims 2: Castaway, and City of Villains. I made a mutant stalker named the Silencer, who uses organic spines that pop out of his skin as a weapon. He also has super reflexes. which allow him to hide and stuff. He won't be able to fly, but super jumping or super speed shouldn't be out of his reach. We'll have to see.

Today:My english teacher really isn't all that stupid. You can see that she really cares about her job, and she tries to make it good for us. She tries to be very intellectual, and she might be. I'm not sure yet. There's this guy in that class. So hot. You know me, I don't usually go for the Abercrombie models, but oh. She got a little mad at him today though. She asked him to close his laptop, because she never knows if he's paying attention. I doubt he is. Anyway, we have a research paper due sometime in November. I think I'm going to be doing mine on A Jury of Her Peers by Susan Glaspell. Tennis now. I have to grab my racquet before.

All you need is love.

I really want someone to tell me. Tell me that I'm a horrible actor. Tell me that I can't sing worth shit.

I think I'm scared. I'm scared that I'm going to put myself out there and fail.

That's ridiculous. I was nominated for Tommy Tunes. I was nominated for Best Supporting Actor in Tommy Tunes. They said themselves that I could sing. I feel like I can sing. Maybe I'm just out of touch.

I feel like people aren't being honest with me. Just tell the truth!

I'm so conflicted. I love doing theatre. How is this a hard decision for me?

It's not just that. I've just realized that I might be scared to fall in love again. I know why, obviously. I just always thought that I was stronger than that. I thought that the whole point was to make me stronger. I'm just like you, only I hide it better. Have I put up these walls? Walls that I thought I would never need? Walls to protect, and walls to forget. It's not that I still love you. I don't. But I think, sub-conciously, I don't want to do it again. Maybe that's why I feel like I'm done with love. All you need is love. I feel like I don't need it. All you need is love. I feel like I don't want it. All you need is love, love.

Love is all you need.

Resentment.

I resent my parents.

I'm trying not to, really. It's hard though. I've been looking at jobs, because I can't keep working at Kohls like this. The late hours are killing me. It gets so hard to wake up. But I really don't want to go through the application process again. I'm tired.

The reason I resent my parents, is because they sort of made me quit the Y. I had decided that I was going to quit on good terms. I wanted to say to him, "Dave, I'm going to work during my vacation, but I'm putting in my two weeks now." It was my parents that convinced me to just quit on the spot.

Last night I was pissed at myself. How could I let a damn good job like that slip away? I mean, it was Dave that pushed me to the edge. I worked three summers without missing a week. He couldn't find a way to give me that last week of the summer? Even though I put in for it at least a month early?

If I do go back, it won't be until the summer. So I think I'm gonna shape up and start kicking those claims into gear.

It's not that I'm still grounded.

I'm just trying to be good.

Friday I talked to my parents, and while they were still upset they gave in to my pestering and let me go. The party was definitely worth it.

I didn't want to be a bad kid yesterday, so I stayed in. All day. I wanted to kill myself, I was so bored. No, that's way too exaggerated. I didn't want to kill myself, I was just really bored. I tried to read the plays I checked out, I tried to play games, nothing. Although I started to read Steel Magnolias before I went to bed, it looks good.

Anyway, I think I have to work today, which sucks. I'm just tired and blah. I had a dream about work. My work consisted of collecting leaves in a bag, weighing them, and throwing them into a bigger pile of bags. Amanda Chow and others worked there as well, although I don't know how they managed the drive from College Station. Oddly enough, a certain John that gave me mean looks in 12th grade worked there too. We carpooled together, and I couldn't help but think of him in a certain way. I wonder what he's doing now? He couldn't of have graduated highschool, he skipped every day of first period. No, literally every day.

I should go. I really need to clean my car soon.

An Examination of the Emotional and Mental Effects of a Grounding.

v. ground·ed, ground·ing, grounds
4.
b. [Informal] To restrict (someone) especially to a certain place as a punishment.

I'm grounded.

I completely understand why. I just think it's ridiculous.

I understand, and even admit the fact that all week long I've been lazy, selfish, and irresponsible. Really, I do. We all have bad weeks. Last week was a good week for me. This week was a really bad week. Not bad emotionally. Just morally.

I'm upset, obviously. I accept that. Am I handling it in the most mature way? Of course not. I'm sitting in my room, in the dark, wasting my time. I should be using it efficiently; I suppose I should be trying to get back into the good graces of my parents. Do I want to? Heck no. But that's just my stubborn and selfish nature.

I think I'll discuss this with them over dinner, and maybe then I'll get to go to the party.

So my dad says to me:

"Chrifu, what are you gonna do with your life?"

Seriously, what else could I say?

"I'm gonna get what I want."

A word problem.

Daniel's mad.

Daniel uses 2/4 of his free time to study for chemistry, and scores an 80 on the test. Christopher uses 1/4 of his free time to study for chemistry and scores a 90 on the test. Calculate the study time/test percentage ratio and then call me, because I don't get it either.

It's not like I try to piss him off. We're equally smart, it's just that I'm more intuitive and he's more hard-working. Gawd, we're the epitome of Pisces. I go up, think more abstract thoughts, while he goes down and thinks more logical thoughts. The two fish.

While I like who I am, I wish I was more down to earth. Especially when it comes to living in the real world.

'Sigh'. The real world.

Smoking.

I've been smoking alot lately. I'm not sure why. Maybe I think it's cool? But that's ridiculous. If anything, smoking is so not cool now a days.

Am I trying to become something else? One of those beatnik poets who smoke and write all the time? Or maybe more of a Carrie Bradshaw?[On a side note, I really need to stop talking about Sex in the City.]

Maybe it's just a college thing? Alot of people pick up smoking in college, and then leave it there too. Maybe it's because I've been partying a bit more? Or at all?

Likes and Dislikes.
-It relaxes me. -Sometimes I get too lightheaded and want to puke.
-It gives me something to do with my hands. -It makes my fingers smell.
-I like watching the smoke. -The smoke bothers me when it goes up my nose.
-Alot of people don't like it. -Alot of people don't like it.
-Sometimes my mouth tastes weird after.

Eh, I don't know.

Super short story.

Stewart walks him up the steps to his apartment. He smiles at Stewart, who was thinking about how great their first date went. He says, "So, what'd you think of the movie Doug?"
Doug thinks for a minute. "Well," he starts. "I really liked the part when you held my hand." They smile again. Stewart leans in and they kiss. They kiss again. And again.
Doug stops. Stewart frowns. Doug says, "Look Stewart. I really like you, and well.." He hesitates. "I mean, Carrie slept with Big on the first date, and look how their relationship is!"

Blackbird.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night,
take these broken wings and learn to fly.
All your life
you will be waiting for this moment to arrive.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night,
take these sunken eyes and learn to see.
All your life
you will be waiting for this moment to be free.

Blackbird fly.
Blackbird fly.
Into the light of the dark black night.

I thought I heard gun shots as I sat outside and smoked. I love smoking.

I'm going to work.

Kohls is cool. My manager is Katie Daugherty's aunt, oddly enough. Sorry, I don't know if I spelled her name right. She said that she's going to try to get me out early because I have class at 8 the next mornings.

It's nice. I like it. No one else wears their name tags, so I don't know if I will. I suppose I should. I'll bring it. There's alot of on your own time. We basically all walk around our departments putting new signs up. Luckily there's music playing. It gets hot towards the end of the night. Hopefully I won't get out later then one AM this time. I should go now. I just wanted to tell you guys about it.

Thoughts?

I need just a little help with this scene. I need a good witty line at the end. Where PHILLIP says, "Oh honey. We both needed a real man." I need that to be funnier. Help?


Lights up on up left. DOUG is smoking a cigarette. PHILLIP races in. He sees DOUG smoking and sighs.

PHILLIP. I thought you were trying to quit.

DOUG. I did. I quit.

PHILLIP. Then what is that in your hand?

DOUG. Nothing. There’s nothing in my hand. [Silence.] Just pretend it isn’t there.

Phillip sighs. A tense silence.

DOUG. How could he? How can he just show his face here and expect.. Whatever.

PHILLIP. [Puts his hands on DOUG’s face.] You have just as much, if not more to offer then that girl will ever be able to give to him. Come here. [He draws DOUG into an embrace.]

DOUG. I know, it’s just.. Thanks. That really means a lot. [Silence. He breaks the hug.] Why did you and I ever break up?

PHILLIP. Oh honey. We both needed a real man. You coming in?

DOUG. Soon.

Oh, Almighty Goodness.

I'm going through my old xanga entries. I was such a dork in ninth grade. I decided that I want to post my favorite entries on here though. Just to give a more indepth history of my, well, history.

Edit*
Surprisingly, life didn't become very interesting until after I quit band. Damn. Theatre was that good for me.

Edit*
Uh, not that theatre was that good for me. That sounded weird.

College life.

I've been meaning to write an entry about how 'college life' has changed me.

Not much to write about actually.

I don't know. I realize how much I miss theatre and doing shows. I've been going out every weekend.

That's it. Nothing much has really changed. Which is why I kind of feel like my life is on hold, if only for now. Maybe it's because I'm still at home. I love it, my parents don't care what I do, they're treating Daniel and me with more respect. It's also kind of bad, because they do expect us to do alot more work then we did in high school, which is completely acceptable.

What's wrong with me?

I'm only human.

What a revelation!

All of a sudden, I feel like I'm falling in love. It's like I have this new lease on life!

I know what you're thinking, but you're wrong! There isn't anyone special. It's myself? It's this life right now. I have butterflies in my stomach, and the only thing that is inducing them is myself. What's up with that? I'm giddy!

Really, it's beyond my advanced cognition to state this feeling in words. Besides, I'm only human.

I'm only human.

On the theory of Goodness.

Where does evil come from? It does not stem from anything, but is just there. It lurks in the hearts of man.

Gawd, that's corny but it's true. We all have our own personal demons, who egg us on. But what of us who try to be good?

"Being born with a talent or an inclination for goodness is the aberration."

Oh Elphaba. You and I are so alike sometimes. I'm not raising myself on the pedestal of legend, but I feel that I try to be good. Sure, I can be mean, and cynical, and rude, and dumb. But I try? Isn't that enough?

No good deed goes unpunished.

Is it true? Do people tend to hate the good? Are the good people in life reviled? Are good deeds just a cry for attention?

Is that all good deeds are when looked at with an ice cold eye?

You're right. I am cocky. I know that I am a good singer, and I'm pretty sure that I am a good actor. Is that so wrong? It's not like I go around telling everyone. Maybe it's because I try to be good. Maybe you see me with an ice cold eye, and condemn me to nothing but an attention-whore.

Or maybe it's because I came into that department as a nobody-nothing. And ended up better then you. Maybe you're just jealous that more people like me. I don't understand why I let you get under my skin. Gawd! Because I try to be good? I try, I try! I try to be a good person. I'm not responsible or studious. But I try, I try! I try to be always the polite one. The nice one. The good one. I have my moments. I slip. I'm not always good. But you'll never see me proclaim that I am the most good of all. The least wicked.

Gawd, this whole rant sounds so conceited.

Maybe I should just promise to never do a good deed again. But I can't do that. Elphaba went crazy in the end. The crazy wicked Witch of the West.

You weirdo.

Okay.

So.

There's this weird, cute guy in my algebra class. Not the cute guy who wears his pants low, Michelle, but a different one. He talks to the teacher alot, tells stupid jokes.

There's a guy and girl who sit in front of the cute guy. They flirt alot, talk alot. They think math is boring, and don't care about it. Hey, no big. I don't care about it either.

Today the cute guys raises his hand and says, "Excuse me, can you tell the people in front of me to stop flirting or having foreplay, or whatever it is they're doing?"

The girl gets pissed. She and the cute guy start yelling, and to my surprise, cursing at eachother, although the girl never turns around to look at him.

Mr. Algebra walks slowly to the back of the class and says, "Calm down, calm down. This is mathematics, nothing to get over-excited about." He's a harmless, old man.

I suddenly got this burrning desire to laugh.

I'm gonna follow that cute guy after class one day. Although I should call him cute, creepy guy now.

The Unnamed God.

"Oh, will this nightmare never end," screamed Dorothy, and she grabbed at a bucket for collecting rainwater that, in the sudden flare-up of light, had come into view. She said, "I will save you!" and she hurled the water at the Witch.

I hope you know, I hope you know
that this has nothing to do with you.
It's personal,
myself and I,
we've got some straightening out to do.

I had a dream.

The second part of the dream was a mix between Sex and the City and Heroes. Miranda had this weird power that she could see a person inside of this computer, while Samantha had three daughters with powers. Oddly enough, the oldest two were played by Sarah Michelle Geller and Michelle Trachtenberg. I suppose I only linked that because Kim Cattrall played Trachtenberg's coach in Ice Princess, and Trachtenberg played Geller's sister in Buffy. There was also a little younger sister but I don't know who played her. Anyway, Some evil guy wanted to kill Samantha and the youngest daughter, but instead kidnapped Samantha, her husband, and the daughter. Trachtenberg knew that he took them because of the daughter's powers, but couldn't convince Geller of it until they put their hands together and a bright white light came out. That's all I saw, that part was a preview of next week.

New Heroes tonight, yay!