I sometimes wish I was dead, and not because I'm depressed. I'm not depressed. I'm not depressed.
Sometimes I wish I was dead, if only so I could see if there was anything else to this existence. So I could see what's next. It's so hard. It's so hard finding your purpose. I have No Purpose. It's a disease. No Purpose.
I miss high school. I miss the structured environment. I miss skipping class. I miss theatre. I miss lunch plans. I have to get to college. I have to get to that structured enviroment again.
This morning I was watching a squirrel play in the tree outside of my window. I hit a squirrel on the way home from school. Then later, as my mom yelled at me for something unrelated, I saw two squirrels playing outside of the window.
WHAT AM I DOING HERE?
WHY?
WHY AM I HERE?
WHAT IS MY PURPOSE?
SHIT.
Miss. M insists that I have a purpose. She said, "I will bet my life that you have a purpose in this world." Yeah? I feel like my purpose is so important at times, and then at other times I feel like I'm nobody. Who am I to think that my purpose is so important? Who am I?
I'm Chris Bernal. Christopher Bernal. Christopher Anthony Bernal. German. Gay. Male. Artist. Writer. Poet. Actor. Singer. Philosopher. Wizard.
But what does that matter?
Honestly?
I don't know.
2012. 2012. 2012. Neon signs. Flashing. 2012. 2012. 2012. Queztlcoatyl. The feathered snake.
"December 21 — The Mesoamerican Long Count calendar, notably used by the Maya civilization among others of pre-Columbian Mesoamerica, completes its thirteenth b'ak'tun cycle since the calendar's mythical starting point (equivalent to 3114 BC August 11 in the proleptic Gregorian calendar). The Long Count b'ak'tun date of this starting point (13.0.0.0.0) is repeated, for the first time in a span of approximately 5,125 solar years. The significance of this period-ending to the pre-Columbian Maya themselves is unclear, and there is an incomplete inscription that records this date. It is also to be found carved on the walls of the Temple of Inscriptions in Palenque where it functions as a base date from which other dates are computed. However, it is conjectured that this may represent in the Maya belief system a transition from the current Creation world into the next. The December solstice for 2012 also occurs on this day. Astronomically, the Earth is said to be aligned facing the center of the Milky Way behind the Sun on this date."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2012
"Astronomically, the Earth is said to be aligned facing the center of the Milky Way behind the Sun on this date."
"Astronomically, the Earth is said to be aligned facing the center of the Milky Way behind the Sun on this date."
"Astronomically, the Earth is said to be aligned facing the center of the Milky Way behind the Sun on this date."
I'm scared.
