Abercrombie and Me?

Wow, Abercrombie. I'd like to think that he was really looking at me today. I kept catching small glances in my direction. We sat directly across the classroom today. He talked alot more than he usually does. He's awkward, which reminds me even more of Mr. S. And our english teacher was telling an anecdote. "When I was young, men who were interested in fashion were called gentleman. Now they're just called gay." She didn't mean it in a harsh way, she seems to be almost defensive. I smiled in a knowing way, and I saw Abercrombie smiling too. I could've sworn that we shared a knowing glance, but that was probably my imagination. Of course, for the rest of the morning I've been imagining our first date. But I'm silly.

Anyway, I have to go.

Flip a coin.

I really don't want to go to english. But, I've been given this chance and I need to stay driven.

From now on, when I'm choosing between doing something good and something frivolous, I will flip a coin. When it's something obvious, such as going to class or cleaning my room, there's no need to flip. But when it's something less clear, like going to Chick-fil-a for breakfast or going out with friends, that is the time to flip.
Heads, I'll stay in. Tails, I go out. Tails. Great.Heads, I'll get
Chick-fil-a. Tails, I don't. Heads. Great.
Just little things like that.

I need to stay focused. "The change you started already have far-reaching effects. Be ready."

I never said.

Texas State was good. The drive wasn't bad, only two and a half hours. I like the campus, but it's very hilly. Oh my god, is it ever hilly. I freaked out at lunch, because the theatre major has a core of complete theatre classes, which is bad. For me that is, because I only have one theatre course right now, so I'd be very behind. After reading some brochures and flipping through the course catalog, I decided to change my major to Philosophy with a minor in Theatre. My plan is to go on and get my Doctorate in Philosophy so I can teach it in colleges, which sounds so boring. But anyway, it should allow me to do whatever I want. Right? Does that make sense? I'd like to be able to write dramatic and philosophical plays that make people think. I want to be the next Brecht. Anyway, I can always fall back on my Theatre minor. Hah.

I feel like the Philosophy is the best thing I can take that will prepare me for the upcoming events. In regard to 2021, that is. If or when this world ends. I always get this feeling. This feeling that the changing of the worlds will be an important event for me. Not just me, of course, it will be important for everyone. But, maybe I feel like I am going to play a part in it. Maybe that's just my big ol' imagination. Damn you, imagination. You always raise my hopes.

"There is no remedy for love but to love more."

"There is no remedy for love but to love more." "There is no remedy for love but to love more." "There is no remedy for love but to love more." "There is no remedy for love but to love more." "There is no remedy for love but to love more." "There is no remedy for love but to love more." "There is no remedy for love but to love more." "There is no remedy for love but to love more." "There is no remedy for love but to love more." "There is no remedy for love but to love more." "There is no remedy for love but to love more." "There is no remedy for love but to love more." "There is no remedy for love but to love more." "There is no remedy for love but to love more." "There is no remedy for love but to love more." "There is no remedy for love but to love more." "There is no remedy for love but to love more."

Love more.


Is this retarded? I don't know, I just felt like it.

College, this time fo' real.

So there's a big chance that I will be attending Texas State - San Marcos in the Fall of 2008. I am super excited. They have a great theatre department, one of the best in the state. Laura Lane, otherwise know as 'C.C. Babcock' from T.V.'s The Nanny is a full time lecturer there, which is really exciting. Daniel and I would be getting our own two-room suite, which is very exciting. The whole prospect is just exciting. I'm excited. And I haven't been this excited in a long time.

Daniel, my mom, and I are going there for Bobcat day, which is basically an "opportunity to experience Texas State and get a glimpse into the life of a Bobcat." Yeah. There's only one thing holding me back, but honestly. I'm slightly scared of Tyler. Which I know is ridiculous, but. But. But I don't know. There's no real reason to be scared of him. That whole thing was two years ago. I'm sure he's gotten over it, since he's a fully functioning homosexual now.

Anyway, the whole thing is scary and exciting and stomach-turning all at the same time. Which can be a good thing.

I lost my Cheese: An indepth exploration of "Who moved my Cheese?" and how it relates to me.

Who moved my Cheese is an inspirational parable about change and how to deal with it. The Cheese represents happiness and well-being. Little people live in the Maze and have to find the Cheese. One day they stumble upon Cheese Station C, which is full of cheese. They live their happily, until one day the Cheese is gone. One person refuses to believe that things have changed, while the other gets over his fears and makes his way back into the Maze. After searching for a long while, he finds Cheese Station N, where he and his mouse friends stay happily.

How does this relate to me?

First, what is my Cheese? Happiness, obviously. But what kind of happiness? Security? Love? Friendship? All of these. Security mostly though. The security of an enviroment where I feel safe. High school used to be where my Cheese was, which is odd. I used to hate it. But now I'm out of high school, so I have to find new cheese in college. Which means that I need to find a secure and safe place for me here.

What other Cheese is there?

Again security, but this time in the form of money. I am broke. I used to have a good job with a steady income, but I lost that Cheese. So I now need to find new Cheese in the form of work. Luckily I'm fairly sure that I've gotten the job at Starbucks, so that's okay.

I'm also looking for Cheese in the form of theatre. I would like to be a part of theatre again, like I was in high school. I'm really not liking Cy-Fair so much. I don't feel like I'm learning anything. While I understand that this is the thirteenth grade, I'm still disappointed. But there will be shows next semester, so there's always that.

So, I've realized what my Cheese is/was. And I know how to find it. By overcoming my fears, and running the maze again. It's going to be harder this time, because I'm used to the Cheese being brought to me. The Cheese would just fall into my lap. The first is recognizing the problem, though, so I'm ready to start running.

Once you change what you believe, you change what you do.

I miss smoking.

I miss the taste. I miss having something to do with my hands. I miss the smell. I miss the smokers. I miss the excuse.

My calender features two cows from The Far Side. The female cow stands at the window and looks at the pasture. She says to her partner. "Wendell... I'm not content." I wish I had a Wendell, just so I could tell him that I'm not content either. I'm not content with the life I'm living right now. It feels so empty. It's just repetition. More of the same. I'm not living a fulfilling life. Shouldn't I be? Carpe diem? All that jazz?

"I cannot go to the ocean, I cannot drive the streets at night, I cannot wake up in the morning without you on my mind."

I'm tired. Goodnight.