Weekend Update.

Friday: Did claims all day, Kayla came over. I was allowed to bring her to It'z, because Julia was bringing her friend Lindsey, and Daniel came later with Troy and Anus[No, it's actually pronounced A-nes. Like the butt hole. But he's really nice.]. The pizza and pasta was really good. It's been a long time since I went to an all you can eat buffet like that. Kayla and I managed to get around 2500 tickets. Each ticket was worth two. I wonder why they would do that? We traded our tickets for six shot glasses, two yo-yos, two rubber chickens on keychains, two poppers, and one foam ring.

Saturday: Claims again. Fuck. Halloween party.

Sunday: Played Beautiful Katamari, The Sims 2: Castaway, and City of Villains. I made a mutant stalker named the Silencer, who uses organic spines that pop out of his skin as a weapon. He also has super reflexes. which allow him to hide and stuff. He won't be able to fly, but super jumping or super speed shouldn't be out of his reach. We'll have to see.

Today:My english teacher really isn't all that stupid. You can see that she really cares about her job, and she tries to make it good for us. She tries to be very intellectual, and she might be. I'm not sure yet. There's this guy in that class. So hot. You know me, I don't usually go for the Abercrombie models, but oh. She got a little mad at him today though. She asked him to close his laptop, because she never knows if he's paying attention. I doubt he is. Anyway, we have a research paper due sometime in November. I think I'm going to be doing mine on A Jury of Her Peers by Susan Glaspell. Tennis now. I have to grab my racquet before.

All you need is love.

I really want someone to tell me. Tell me that I'm a horrible actor. Tell me that I can't sing worth shit.

I think I'm scared. I'm scared that I'm going to put myself out there and fail.

That's ridiculous. I was nominated for Tommy Tunes. I was nominated for Best Supporting Actor in Tommy Tunes. They said themselves that I could sing. I feel like I can sing. Maybe I'm just out of touch.

I feel like people aren't being honest with me. Just tell the truth!

I'm so conflicted. I love doing theatre. How is this a hard decision for me?

It's not just that. I've just realized that I might be scared to fall in love again. I know why, obviously. I just always thought that I was stronger than that. I thought that the whole point was to make me stronger. I'm just like you, only I hide it better. Have I put up these walls? Walls that I thought I would never need? Walls to protect, and walls to forget. It's not that I still love you. I don't. But I think, sub-conciously, I don't want to do it again. Maybe that's why I feel like I'm done with love. All you need is love. I feel like I don't need it. All you need is love. I feel like I don't want it. All you need is love, love.

Love is all you need.

Resentment.

I resent my parents.

I'm trying not to, really. It's hard though. I've been looking at jobs, because I can't keep working at Kohls like this. The late hours are killing me. It gets so hard to wake up. But I really don't want to go through the application process again. I'm tired.

The reason I resent my parents, is because they sort of made me quit the Y. I had decided that I was going to quit on good terms. I wanted to say to him, "Dave, I'm going to work during my vacation, but I'm putting in my two weeks now." It was my parents that convinced me to just quit on the spot.

Last night I was pissed at myself. How could I let a damn good job like that slip away? I mean, it was Dave that pushed me to the edge. I worked three summers without missing a week. He couldn't find a way to give me that last week of the summer? Even though I put in for it at least a month early?

If I do go back, it won't be until the summer. So I think I'm gonna shape up and start kicking those claims into gear.

It's not that I'm still grounded.

I'm just trying to be good.

Friday I talked to my parents, and while they were still upset they gave in to my pestering and let me go. The party was definitely worth it.

I didn't want to be a bad kid yesterday, so I stayed in. All day. I wanted to kill myself, I was so bored. No, that's way too exaggerated. I didn't want to kill myself, I was just really bored. I tried to read the plays I checked out, I tried to play games, nothing. Although I started to read Steel Magnolias before I went to bed, it looks good.

Anyway, I think I have to work today, which sucks. I'm just tired and blah. I had a dream about work. My work consisted of collecting leaves in a bag, weighing them, and throwing them into a bigger pile of bags. Amanda Chow and others worked there as well, although I don't know how they managed the drive from College Station. Oddly enough, a certain John that gave me mean looks in 12th grade worked there too. We carpooled together, and I couldn't help but think of him in a certain way. I wonder what he's doing now? He couldn't of have graduated highschool, he skipped every day of first period. No, literally every day.

I should go. I really need to clean my car soon.

An Examination of the Emotional and Mental Effects of a Grounding.

v. ground·ed, ground·ing, grounds
4.
b. [Informal] To restrict (someone) especially to a certain place as a punishment.

I'm grounded.

I completely understand why. I just think it's ridiculous.

I understand, and even admit the fact that all week long I've been lazy, selfish, and irresponsible. Really, I do. We all have bad weeks. Last week was a good week for me. This week was a really bad week. Not bad emotionally. Just morally.

I'm upset, obviously. I accept that. Am I handling it in the most mature way? Of course not. I'm sitting in my room, in the dark, wasting my time. I should be using it efficiently; I suppose I should be trying to get back into the good graces of my parents. Do I want to? Heck no. But that's just my stubborn and selfish nature.

I think I'll discuss this with them over dinner, and maybe then I'll get to go to the party.

So my dad says to me:

"Chrifu, what are you gonna do with your life?"

Seriously, what else could I say?

"I'm gonna get what I want."

A word problem.

Daniel's mad.

Daniel uses 2/4 of his free time to study for chemistry, and scores an 80 on the test. Christopher uses 1/4 of his free time to study for chemistry and scores a 90 on the test. Calculate the study time/test percentage ratio and then call me, because I don't get it either.

It's not like I try to piss him off. We're equally smart, it's just that I'm more intuitive and he's more hard-working. Gawd, we're the epitome of Pisces. I go up, think more abstract thoughts, while he goes down and thinks more logical thoughts. The two fish.

While I like who I am, I wish I was more down to earth. Especially when it comes to living in the real world.

'Sigh'. The real world.